Love, flicker, burn: Entry 7

Tiide Olufola- Carson
Aberdeen-Perth


I could officially now be classified as a floozie. I felt the shame but the excitement was surely more exhilarating. As I sat on the train from Aberdeen to Perth, my ears plugged, listening to Coldplay, I thought about Ugo and what the future held for us. Staring out of the window at the amazing Scottish country side, all I wanted to do was get lost somewhere in the lush green, where cellular coverage dwindled and no one could reach me. This was exactly what I was going to do. ‎Only that I wouldn't be by myself, Ugo would be there, just as unreachable. He was flying in from Paris this evening. He'd be in Perth by 8pm. I looked at my watch. It was 6.45pm.

After the huge bouquet of roses, came two others. It was a good thing he never signed the cards, I knew the girls at the reception station read the cards before they called me to get the flowers.

Ugo was suddenly back in my life like he never left. All he ever talked about was us. I wasn't quite sure what to do whenever he did. It was all bad timing. It was true, we were chronologically challenged!

Last Wednesday, during one of our long phone conversations, he said he loved me. I froze and did what I usually do when I panic; I ran. Not literally of course. I cleared my throat and switched topics to my trip to Aberdeen. I could hear the smile in his voice as he indulged my silly fright and started talking about us meeting up in Aberdeen or somewhere else. He knew me. Why didn’t Lanre know me as well and manage my quirks so skillfully? ‘Idiot, because you dated Ugo for four years.’ Dara had answered that when I asked her that. She also said I wouldn’t know a good guy if he stood on my face. I don't know what she's on about. Probably just bridezilla symptoms.

Tobi had called me late Thursday afternoon from the reception station. There was another bouquet sitting on their desk. White Calla lilies. Tobi and Temi looked suspicious as I read the card. It said: “Perth?” I had no idea what that meant, which made it more thrilling.

I know what you are thinking, what about Lanre? He kept calling that evening, but I was stuck in a meeting till late and then we all went out for drinks at work. I had to follow through on my boss being impressed with the work I was doing at Omicron. I could feel a raise lurking around my salary. I didn't intentionally avoid Lanre. I was just really busy and I needed to focus on work that week with Greg taking an interest in me. Lanre and I could always talk when I got back to Lagos.

For now, I needed some excitement, mind-numbing adventure. Ugo WAS adventure. He had character, maybe a little too much. Ugo loved new places, new things, he wanted to go seal hunting with an Inuit, go glacier hiking in Chile. He was obsessed with motorbikes! I missed riding on his motorbike. He was always so full of energy.

Lanre was simple. No bells, no whistles, no Perth, no bikes, just a reliable Honda. We would be one of those couples who went to weddings on weekends and the movies occasionally, church every Sunday and Summer in the UK only. All Dara said to that was, one day, I’d want to settle down with a man who owns a Honda. I don’t know what she’s talking about. Did I mention I needed adventure?

Anyway, I told her not to worry. We weren't going to have sex. She had looked at me as I packed and frowned at the content of my bag. ‘No kidding’, she said. I had decided not to have a non-physical rendezvous. Ugo and I  agreed the elevator incident could not repeat itself. This was a “platonic trip”. We were just going to enjoy the country side and the amazing farm house guest chalet we found on Airbnb. Our host promised us breakfast in the sun room every morning and we could go out into the pub for dinner.

I'm glad we weren't meeting up in Aberdeen, I couldn't afford anyone from work seeing us. People knew people, especially these days with Instagram. Just last week, I saw an old friend who I hadn't seen for six years in the background of my cousin's selfie. What were the odds? I couldn't afford slips.

Why was I ‎so paranoid. Platonic, right?

___________________________________________

 By 9.50, I knew he wasn't coming.

 I sat on the window-seat in the living room of the chalet and stared out into the darkness. ‎I kept hoping to see a light; the headlamps of a car. There was nothing.

 I had tried calling his phone. Let’s just say, when I said I wanted to be unreachable and have my phone network dwindle, I couldn’t have hoped for a more precise situation. I stepped out into the chilly evening air my phone held above my head, searching for network bars. The farm grounds were huge and scarcely lit. It reminded me of a Nora Roberts book and I was pretty sure an ashen faced ghost would sail by me soon, screeching and telling me I was getting what I deserved. It didn't help that there were randomly-placed sculptures on the farm grounds either. When I finally got two service bars, I tried again. His phone was off. I sent him messages on Facebook but he probably hadn't checked his account for a month.

I went back into the chalet, plopped on my bed and stared at the worn flowery curtains. This was pathetic. I had been stood up by Ugo. Dara was right. She said he would. Paris had been a “tap and go” as she usually described one night stands. I had argued with her that he wanted to be with me, to be together, our long-distance relationship was going to work. I felt hollow, the tears flowed freely, blurring the vision of the curtains. I was so miserable, the sight of the curtains made me feel worse. They were so old and worn and were all the company I’d be having tonight. 

The first thing tomorrow morning, I’d be gone and back in Aberdeen. I was so stupid, no one’s ex ever came back!

I missed Lanre. I needed Lanre. What was I doing here? I needed talk to him. The tears kept coming, hot and unbridled. I could feel my nose clog up with all the grief. He always put me first, he actually rented a boat for my proposal. It wasn’t a big deal to most but I knew how much he made. He seemed to have an event planner and even wore that blazer which I know he hates and he knelt on both knees. That made me laugh through the tears. Maybe it really was time to let go of Ugo. Ugo. Ugo; my last thought as I gave into exhaustion and finally to sleep.

To be continued......