LFB: Entry 15

Tiide Olufola-Carson
Lagos

I decided Dara's bridal shower theme should be "For Love, (Lace) and Lemons"!! She is currently infatuated with that For Love and Lemons lingerie line and keeps sending me pictures of pretty blonde models clad in thin lace apparel, hence, the theme. I know, I commended myself on the ingenuity of my wit too. Everyone had to bring a present that was from the designer for the shower. Everyone, except me because I already bought her lingerie from Paris (Maid of honor for obvious reasons!).

Can I just say, Dara needs new friends. The shower planning has been hell. Her friends complain about everything and offer absolutely no help. The whatsapp group I created, beeps all day long about everything and nothing, from random memes to business advertising. I decided to plan out the shower myself. Initially, the plan was to fly to Zanzibar and have an amazing weekend; girl time, pamper Dara, make sure she had the best shower ever, take endless selfies  and drink bottomless cocktails. Like I said, this was the plan .....before Dara's friends shot that down.

It would have been a wonderful weekend too. Then we would have all returned to Lagos, to reality. I guess everyone would have returned to the Lagos-hustle- reality. I would have been returning to the unfaithful girlfriend slash undecided side-chic reality. Plus the Lagos hustle.  I admit I was planning the Zanzibar trip to escape. I felt choked. Lagos, Lanre, Ugo (who I haven't spoken to since the last incident). The incident.

 I was NOT expecting any of that and I was not proud of myself. In my defense, I had ignored his calls prior to him arriving at my door. I had my guards up, I really did, all of them, with pointy spikes at the ends mixed with  broken bottle fragments. They all ceased to exist the moment I saw him. Ugo is literally the worst thing that has ever happened to me. How did I become this girl who cheated incessantly with her ex?! I have no self-control around him and my decorum withers. He is so far away and yet his control over me is just toxic. But good toxic. Breathless exciting toxic, more like.

 The door was wide open! I could even hear distant voices from the streets, the warm air sailing in unwelcome and colliding with the cool air from my air-conditioning. Anyone could have walked in on us. The worst would have been my dad but he was away in Accra. Followed closely by Lanre. Then the apartment complex manager, Mr Felix, who often walked aimlessly around.

Back to the point, I need to stay away from Ugo. He is bad for me. He just is. I need stability which he is incapable of providing. He is in a relationship with the coolest girl I have seen in a while and he's cheating. What if he cheats on me too, if we end up together? What if he never leaves her and I'm his Sub-Saharan mistress (which by the way would make a great name for a ship). What if, What if.... that would always be my life with Ugo. The "what-if" life.

The sex is great though! When we were together it was good but not this great. It's not really the act it's self that is so awesome, I think it's just the spontaneity of it.  I wonder if that is something Lanre and I could imbibe if we ever start having sex? Can spontaneity be taught? I feel so awful sometimes, I have completely denied Lanre of sex because I thought it complicated my relationship with Ugo, which it did and which it still is! 
Lanre has been distant but with good reason. I am sure the last few months were distressful for him. I have been eager and proactive though, about calling and checking up on him. We meet up for lunch almost everyday but I can't help feeling he is a bit detached. I just really need to deal with this Ugo mishap and then focus on rebuilding Lanre and I.

I need to speak with Ugo. Leaving this situation undiscussed would mean compliance. I am definitely not agreeing to being the mistress. 



Next entry here!